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I thought I'd bring this over to this board I hope you all enjoy it as much as they did in the Sultan's Turkish Baths...so here goes...

Ok...I'll do my best (that's so Jessica of me)...to capture the humour of the thing on here, but so much of the humour was in the delivery and facial expressions and gestures...

So we're at a meet n greet and I have this Oil Skin jacket that I brought with me...it has a map of Australia silkscreened onto the inside lining...no names are printed though. (It has to be said that Andrew was aware that I was a travel agent for many years and was quite familiar with Australian geography from a rather lengthy convo he and I had after the first gig in Sacramento). So I said to my roomie-wonder if I can get this to work and winked at her. I called him over and said so I know Sydney is here and Perth is here (pointing), but where is everything else on this map? I winked at him. He smirked and proceeded to point out highlights of hot spots and towns and then dove into The Northern Territory and the Aboriginals whom he truly admires and has a great reverence for and who have been there for 40,000 years. I said don't it make you feel young? He said 'I know what you mean' and then...

"Well it's really thick with what I guess you would call woods, right Holly?" I said what sort of trees are we talking and he said "you know like forest..." I said noooo...woods is more like what you call the bush. Rainforest is rainforest regardless or jungle...he said "Ok fair enough....Anyway so I'm hacking through the jungle or rainforest...whatever with my Machette(sp?) like Indiana Jones or something." Roomie and I in a fit of giggles...stares from other girls who are mesmerized. He continues..."It's really hard work and I'm sweating buckets by now." Girl interjects and says doe-eyed...WOW, was it hard or soft wood?? Andrew is going on about the Indie thing, but he stops mid sentence, looks at her like she's from another planet and say, "How the f*ck should I know?" and then goes back into his story without batting an eyelash. She looked pitiful at him so I slapped his arm and said An-drew! He looks at her and says "sorry miss, but honestly, I don't know really. So anyway...if I can continue...." Winks at me and smiles. "So then on the second day the Elder took me aside and he sort of adopted me as a second father, like my bush father. He walks with me and we're talking and he says, if you want to be ok, you have to learn to hunt for food. So he hands me this BIG ASS SPEAR and he takes me to this water some place and he says, now you go-catch fish. So I stab the SHIT out of this huge fish. I mean it was enormous. The elder looks at me and he says you do good, you catch big fish. I was happy cause I got to eat that night." Now it's hard to explain but in a wierd way it's rather like watching the Crocodile Hunter tell a story because he's so animated and his facial expressions are hysterical and the details of it and how he would go on and on in his description was just priceless. It took an enormous amount of time for him to regale us with this story. Mind you I was mostly floored because in one sitting I'd heard him say a string of cuss words and it was just so hilarious seeing such things come out of a face that looked that sweet. Don't get me wrong, I know they all can cuss a blue streak-it was just so unexpected in such a casual manner as in not cheesed off. So about this time two girls who were trying to mock me (for some reason a lot of fans said rude things to me-some I thought were friends-c'est la vie) and said I can't believe anyone who claims to be a fan of INXS doesn't know where the major cities are in Australia. You're so stupid Holly. My roomie said well I don't know about stupid-she's the only one in the room to get Andrew to entertain us and talk for 25 minutes. Apparently, Andrew heard and said "Holly's a travel agent. She's knows Australian geography probably better than we do. She's a lot of things-far from stupid" and he kissed my cheek, shook my and my roomie's hands and walked away.

A couple nights later this same gal and I who roomed together there met up again and shared a room. Well we were revisiting his story telling and I said Hey do you want to hear more? She said yes, cool. So I said across the room-Hey Andrew, how big was that fish? He put his arms out wide and then slowly brought them together till he gave a more accurate description of the size of the fish. Sure enough he came over and started another yarn. "So I was invited to this ceremony. It seems that a lot of Aboriginal ceremonies revolve around food. I thought to myself, don't insult these gracious people. Whatever they give me, I must eat it without complaint. So this elder tribeswoman hands me this thing that looks like an egg and I figure fair enough so I pop this whole thing right in my mouth." (Now you have to imagine the most sorrowful look on Andrew's face and he says he's standing there with his finger still in his mouth trying desperately not to spit it out). He says "so I swallow finally (makes this exaggerated gulping sound with this really screwed up face) and Holly I kid you not-THIS THING HAD THE CONSISTENCY OF SNOT AND IT TASTED LIKE SHIT!" I was trying so hard not to fall out of my chair while I was holding my stomach laughing. You had to see the expression on his face. I fired back immediately and said Andrew I don't want to know how you even have a frame of reference for what snot feels like or shit tastes like in your mouth. He replied,"Holly I have three kids" and gave me such a look as if to say 'duh that should explain everything'. It was the funniest thing I ever saw. What was even more amusing was that I was just telling some folks that I really didn't know the guys all that well and for him to stop mid-story and say Holly, I kid you not...well let's just stay these folks were like oh sure you don't know them all that well. Just made me laugh my ass off.

Later when I thanked him for his story telling I said I just wanted to let you know that I thoroughly enjoyed your stories and I hope to hear more some day. He smiled and said, "C'mon Holly, you know I'm full of shit!" I said Yes I know, but it's highly entertaining. He gave me such a look and said "well right thanks then I guess". I said NO I appreciate it immensely, it's been a blast and he said 'cool' and that was the end of it.

I'm doubting that it's translating near as funny as it was to start. FOlks can vouch for the fact that in person, I tell it much better cause you get a sense of Drew's physicality while he's telling it and that's half of the entertainment right there. This was the best I could do.

Gosh I hope you're not all asleep after such a long read.

So there you have the origins of Andrew as AndyAndy Jones-lol.

Cheers and Godbless,
Holly Ann...